If you want intimacy in your relationship….you must know your partners true values One of the most fundamental concepts I continually come back to time and time again in both my personal and professional relationships is VALUES.
Values are the blueprint to our Souls desires.
Our values are what inspire us,
Our values are what keep us going through difficult times,
And allow us to connect with others on a very deep soul level.
And when we truly understand another person and what they value,
And when we feel like they truly get our values,
That’s when we feel so much intimacy,
We feel seen and,
We feel heard.
and so do they.
And we are CONNECTED in a very deep way that transcends words or thoughts.
You know what I’m talking about right?
When you feel like somebody just GETS you and it feels easy?
Today, in a very insignificant way I was reminded of this.
I was busy working away on my computer outside in my parents gazebo,
And I completely lost track of time and space.
I was so absorbed in what I was doing,
because I was doing what I love most….creating, teaching, sharing….
And on the other hand….I completely forgot I was roasting veggies on the stove (lol oops!)
Cooking for me, is an example of a LOWER VALUE (in fact very low)
Something I don’t care to give a lot of energy, attention or thought to.
Which is often why I burn food.
You see, I love eating food,
However I really dislike cooking.
If a meal can’t be made in 15-30 minutes, I won’t be preparing it.
And if I do have to cook, I’ll do anything in my power to find a way to air fry it.
The challenge is that I ALSO like healthy food. My highest value is Health.
And fresh food does take time to prepare.
So my solution is to meal prep 1-2 times per week. And this seems to work for me.
But how does this play out in relationships you ask?
And How do knowing each other’s values create intimacy?
Well my partner LOVES to cook, and loves the detail in the cooking.
He associates time, care, energy and effort in cooking a meal as a representation of one’s love for each other.
He is VERY good at cooking and he has spent a lot of time and energy perfecting his craft.
and I really enjoy eating his food. It’s damn good.
So what’s the problem then you ask?
Well you can imagine how loved and cared for he felt when I made him my 10 minute quick and easy chicken salad lol.
I remember him watching me prepare this healthy dinner and if I could relay what he was thinking it would be along the lines of….”are you serious…you’re giving me this?!”
However in my mind, I have a high value on efficiency of time, and health.
So in my mind I’m thinking “look at this rich in nutrient dense meal I’m making you, and guess what it only took 15 minutes! I only had to throw it in the bowl! I love you and want to keep you healthy!”
so you can see where some conflict might arise with our differing perceptions.
And it did.
So how do we resolve this?
The first step was to understand what each other’s values are.
Then, to come up with solutions that support BOTH of our values.
This started with creating the opportunity to cook together on weekends.
This kinda worked for a while. It was certainly an improvement from our daily cooking.
Then it opened up the doors to finding new, really tasty yet simple recipes to eat together.
Another win.
Then the air fryer was introduced into the kitchen.
Another win.
And slowly but surely we got into more of a vibe that supported BOTH of our values.
And we still continue to expand on how our cooking can continue to evolve together.
So…if you want to open up to more intimacy with your partner,
1. Know who YOU are and what you value.
2. Get to know what your partner truly values and why.
3. Brainstorm on how you can fulfill both your values. This may take some creativity, however it’s worth it.
4. Continue to authentically communicate about what it is you desire and would love from your partner and vice versa.
If this is the first time you’ve ever heard of the idea of values, or would like to dive deeper into your own or your partners…
There are 2 ways you can begin to work with me:
1. Apply to work with me 1 on 1: https://www.drshelbyaitcheson.com/private-coaching-with-dr-shelby/
2. Join me in my weekly group coaching sessions. You can bring anything you want to the table for transformation, so you can get more of what you want with ease: https://empower-chiropractic.ck.page/products/experience-inner-freedom
You got this,
You always did,
Dr. S
