Yesterday I received an email from one of my clients.
She shared that after our last coaching session a lot of negative emotions came up.
And in her mind she concluded that she must still have a lot of negativity in her, blocking her from getting more of what she wants.
I totally got what she was saying.
I’ve felt that way many times before.
I’ve felt it in literally all areas of my life.
From love, to my health, to money to my career.
And it was SOOOO frustrating.
Like beyond frustrating actually.
I would do the work.
I would show up.
I would follow the step by step approach that they told me to do.
And at times it felt like nothing ever happened,
Or even worse, something “bad” happened afterwards,
that brought up a lot of “negative” emotions.
And this was devastating.
It made me feel like there was something wrong with me
That I wasn’t working hard enough,
Or that I just didn’t get it.
And that I never would get it.
This went on for at least 8 years in my personal development journey.
Until one day, something switched. Like a light switch.
I discovered and learned the key insight as to what was happening, that NO ONE had told me up until this point.
One of my mentors Brian explained it the best…
He said that when you go for what you want,
you come face to face,
with everything you put in the way of getting what you want.
And this includes your “negative” emotions.
So in fact, when all the emotions came up after doing the work,
They were just old stuck emotions and beliefs coming up from the past to be released.
So these “negative” emotions coming up,
were actually a sign of progress.
Crazy perspective right?
Think of it like a detox cleanse.
Whether it’s a water cleanse, or a juice cleanse…
you follow the steps,
limit the foods you eat, or completely cut them out
and your body then feels safe to do the purge
let go of the toxins
let go of the old waste
let go of the stuff stored inside your cells that is no longer required
and this often doesn’t feel great the first couple days.
you might get a headache,
cramps,
aches,
weird sensations…
you might be hungry and uncomfortable AF
because your body is doing a big house cleaning.
So from this angle, would you agree that despite the headaches and cramps, this was actually a good thing, and that your body was making progress even though it didn’t feel good?
well what if you viewed your emotions the same way?
what if there were no negative emotions,
and only uncomfortable sensations,
that once felt, acknowledged and heard,
they could easily pass.
You see when our body feels safe and ready to release old stuck, unprocessed emotions,
faithfully like a cleanse, your body brings up more emotions
so you can let them go.
the challenge is that we view emotions as negative
(I mean they can be really uncomfortable to feel right?!)
yet at the same time,
after a good emotional release
isn’t it true that the body can feel at ease
relaxed
even, at peace
yet when we hold our breath
we press the emotions down
we try our best to not feel them
it’s almost like eating a dirty, greasy bean burrito and then not going to the bathroom
we feel heavy,
we fell yucky
we feel gross
we feel tired
So the idea that challenging emotions come up after a “big clearing” now made sense to me.
and it wasn’t anything to be feared
I wasn’t going backwards
things weren’t getting worse…
I was simply purging my temple
yet in the past,
that would stop me from taking action,
that would halt me in my progress
that might even keep me in the same position,
backing away from what I truly want,
and getting in the uncomfortable place,
of feeling stuck..
Not wanting to take action,
to risk it all and experience the emotions,
or the challenge
yet, not wanting to stay where I’m currently at.
stagnant and still.
And this was an inner battle for years.
push-pull.
you know the one I’m talking about?
So after I shifted my perception,
After I became aware of this pattern,
Here’s what I would offer if you are in the same or similar situation
1. Take a breath. The breath isn’t everything, however it’s the FOUNDATION to everything. When you are present and breathing deep, this calms your nervous system so you can use more executive areas of your brain, instead of the “fight or flight” portions.
2. When an emotion comes up, FEEL it. When you suppress it, it will stay in your body. You can use your breath to guide you in this process
3. Know that when you go for what you want, there will ALWAYS be challenge. And the secret to this, is that whatever degree of challenge you experience, you will also receive the SAME degree of support. Knowing this, when you get into the uncomfortable bits, look for your support. Look for your allies. And keep breathing. Everything is easier when your brain is oxygenated and your body is calm.
4. Most of the challenges you experience actually have hidden BENEFITS. Yup, you heard me. And the sooner you are able to realize how this next challenge is serving you, the faster you will be able to get back into taking action. Because taking action is where your momentum is.
5. Repeat.
If you find any of these steps challenging, reach out. This is my genius. This is where I have been challenged A LOT, and have studied, learned and practiced the most to get the results.
To transform.
To get back on purpose.
To get back into action.
To create the life I love.
And remember, in any situation you ALWAYS have a choice.
And you’re only one breath away from feeling un-stuck.
XO
