I have had clients say to me…
“Asking for a raise (or raising my prices) causes me anxiety…”
“Asking for what I want with my partner causes me anxiety…”
“Speaking with my boss (or some authority) causes me anxiety…”
“Transitioning into a new career causes me anxiety…”
I too have also said things like…
“Fire, and crackling noises causes me anxiety…”
“Not knowing where I am going while I’m driving causes me anxiety…”
“Being late or the thought of missing my flight causes me anxiety…”
But what if cause and effect, ESPECIALLY around anxiety was more complex than we had realized?
What if attributing cause and effect to our experience with fear and anxiety wasn’t and isn’t the most helpful thing to do?
What if attributing cause and effect to anxiety, may actually keep us stuck & unable to influence things we can’t necessarily control?
Let me provide some context.
Imagine, you are a 2 yo child, you were with your mom at the grocery store, you were gleefully singing a song you just heard, feeling silly, having fun and being carefree.
And all of a sudden, your mom is gone. You don’t see her anymore.
You panic, thinking “where is my mom?! She left me! I am all alone! Where did she go?!”
And what really happened, is that she just turned the corner of the grocery aisle and was only 10 feet away from you.
However, you, not knowing where she is, unable to see her and not knowing she was just around the corner causes you to panic….
And you,
feel scared,
unsafe,
You feel all alone,
and possibility even abandoned,
although maybe you wouldn’t use that terminology as a 2 yo
however it’s possible you may have thought your mom is GONE
possibility even forever…
And because as a 2 yo you don’t really have a good grasp of time…
It feels like FOREVER…
and you think MOM IS GONE FOREVER
AND, on top of all of that, at the same time, a tall man in a white shirt wearing blue jeans, said something to you in a harsh tone – maybe something along the lines of “SHUT UP! STOP SINGING THAT IS SO ANNOYING!! Where is your mother?! She is SO irresponsible!!!”
And in that moment,
you feel MORE fear,
you feel MORE anxiety,
you don’t feel safe.
And maybe as a child, in that moment you took on the beliefs or decided that…
“It’s not safe to sing”
“If I sing or express myself, I will get into trouble”
“When I am having fun and being carefree, something bad happens and I lose my mom”
“Men in white shirts and blue jeans are scary and will yell at me and get me into trouble”
“When my mom leaves me…scary men yell at me…I need to stay by my mom to be safe”
Can you see how this might be possible?
There are literally a bajillion in one beliefs you could have formed in that moment.
And this could have literally shaped and created your identity and lens in which you view the world from THIS moment forward.
AND…
on top of all of this….
you have created a neural network within your brain to protect yourself…
So the next time…
your mom is not in your sight, and you
see a man with a white shirt, and blue jeans…
Your brain and body may perceive that…
You shouldn’t be expressing yourself or having fun,
You will get in trouble, And…
You are not safe.
Does this make sense?
And what’s wild about all of this is that…
Your body’s response is NOT doing this to attack you,
Your body is NOT trying to harm you,
This physiological response (on anxiety) from your body is actually occurring to PROTECT YOU.
Because of the neural nets…the thoughts, beliefs, emotions, decisions and conclusions YOU MADE!
Crazy right?
So let’s fast forward 20 years later,
You’ve had a great couple of decades,
And you’re out with your friends at a concert.
And one of your female friends is now out of your sight
(just like your mom had been)
and you see a guy with a white shirt and blue jeans,
(and he subconsciously reminds you of the grocery store man)
And your body responds.
It says “DANGER, DANGER, DANGER!”
And you feel anxiety.
You feel fear.
You are in complete panic mode.
Your vocal cords shut down, and you can’t even let out a word
(because you know that if you do, you will be scolded and get into trouble)
Your protective neural net has been activated.
You are now in survival mode now.
And what’s confusing about all of this as an adult is that…
you think you’ve “never” experienced this before.
And you think to yourself
“What is going on?!”
“Why is my body betraying me?”
“Why is this happening?”
“why am I having a panic attack?”
And then, you begin to guess all the reasons why this happened so that you can be proactive and prevent it from happening again.
Maybe you think you experienced anxiety because…
Of what one of your friends said, so you decide to give her the cold shoulder and blame her for your experience. Thinking she caused YOUR anxiety.
Or because you’re at a busy, crowded concert. So you decide to NEVER go to a concert again.
Or maybe you blame your anxiety on the food you ate, or the beer you had, that stressful exam you wrote.
Yet at the end of the day, you don’t hit the root, of the root of the root, of why your body is responding that way.
Because you believe anxiety is governed and run by IMMEDIATE CAUSE AND EFFECT.
But what if it wasn’t?
What if cause and effect was more complicated and intricate than we could ever imagine.
Because most of our automatic reactions are from the unconscious,
from past experiences,
that have been programmed in your body,
to protect you.
What if the most important thing you could do when you feel anxiety is to tune in and ask yourself what would make you feel safe?
feel loved?
feel connected?
feel whole?
And what if the most effective way to turn off the “danger” alert was to take a deep belly breath, and centre yourself, so you could actually HEAR what your body needed to feel safe.
And what if, once your nervous system calmed down,
You begin to have access to the neural net you created…
The beliefs, decisions, conclusions, you had made in the past,
so that you could shift them,
so that you could shift the lens in which you look through,
to feel consciously and unconsciously safe around guys in white shirts and blue jeans,
and feel safe when important women in your life are not in your sight,
And instead of focusing all your energy and resources on merely surviving,
you could focus your energy and intention on what you would love to create,
what you would love to accomplish in your life
and you wouldn’t be held back by your fears,
you wouldn’t have to constantly avoid doing certain activities,
you would open yourself to a whole new world of possibilities,
because you are no longer victim to your body’s automatic responses to old perceived traumas
What would this open up for you?
In my own life, addressing the anxious feelings I experienced has opened up many new opportunities and possibilities such as..
>>learning how to swim after completely writing it off for decades
>>raising my fees in my business
>>working with some incredibly inspiring clients I never would have given myself permission to coach before
>>starting to publicly write and speak about topics that are shifting old paradigms and beliefs around health, money and relationships
>> finding love
>> travelling to new places
>> saying no to things and people that no longer serve my highest values and mission
>> being more of me, and following what’s inside
>> creating a job I truly love and am inspired by
>> creating a life on my terms
At the end of the day….
What is your anxiety costing you?
What is your anxiety holding you back from doing and experiencing?
What are you saying no to that you actually desire to say yes?
And what would it be like,
If you could dissolve it,
If you could shift it,
And learn to take action regardless of how you feel?
What if you could have more peace of mind and
BE.MORE.OF.YOU.
What would that open up?
apply to work with me 1 on 1,
I’m ready for you,
XO
